Business captions tend to be written in a voice nobody speaks in. “We are thrilled to announce.” “Elevating your experience.” “Don’t miss out!” You’d never say any of it across the counter, so it reads as an ad, and people scroll past ads.
A human caption opens with the specific thing, adds one detail only you would know, and gives a useful fact. The quickest way to see the difference is side by side: five rewrites of the kind of captions we see every week, then the structure behind them.
Five before-and-after rewrites
A tradie finishing a job
Before:
We are proud to have completed another stunning bathroom renovation for our valued clients! Quality workmanship you can trust. Contact us today for all your bathroom needs! 🛁✨
After:
Three weeks ago this bathroom had a bath nobody used and tiles from 1987. Now it’s a walk-in shower with a niche big enough for the full-size shampoo bottles (the owner’s one request). Floor-to-ceiling tiles, heated towel rail, and the vanity moved 300mm so the door actually opens properly. Alstonville.
The after version says what changed, includes a detail only the person who did the job would know, and names the town. No adjectives about quality. The photos prove that.
A café announcing a new menu
Before:
Exciting news!!! Our NEW winter menu has officially launched and we can’t wait for you to try it! Come in and treat yourself today! #foodie #cafe #yum
After:
Winter menu starts tomorrow. The one we’re most excited about: slow-cooked lamb shoulder on soft polenta, which our chef has been testing on the staff for a fortnight. Pumpkin soup is back too, because we got told off when it wasn’t. Kitchen’s open 7 till 2.
A health practice sharing advice
Before:
Are you suffering from back pain? Our experienced team of practitioners can help you achieve optimal wellness through our holistic approach. Book now!
After:
The most common thing we’ve seen this month: lower back pain after a weekend of gardening. If that’s you, try this before you book in. Lie on your back, knees bent, and gently rock them side to side for a minute. If it’s not easing after a few days, or the pain runs down your leg, come and see us.
Health practitioners also need to stay within AHPRA’s advertising rules, which rule out testimonials about clinical outcomes and claims you can’t back up. Our guide to AHPRA advertising rules for practice websites covers the detail. The after version gives useful advice without promising anything.
A restaurant promoting a special
Before:
Tantalise your tastebuds with our mouth-watering Tuesday special! Authentic flavours that will transport you! Don’t miss out! 🔥🔥🔥
After:
Tuesday is pad see ew night. Wide rice noodles, wok-charred, with Chinese broccoli and your choice of chicken or tofu. $18. It’s what the kitchen eats after service, so we figured we’d share.
That example is made up, but the principle holds for hospitality businesses like 85Thai, whose site we built: you don’t need to tell people the food is delicious. Naming the dish, the price and one reason to care does the work.
An accountant around tax time
Before:
Tax time is here! Let our team of dedicated professionals take the stress out of your tax return. We pride ourselves on delivering exceptional service. Call today!
After:
Three things that slow down your tax return every year: missing the private health statement, not knowing your work-from-home hours, and the car logbook from 2023 nobody can find. Get those three together before you book and we’ll usually have it done in one appointment.
A simple structure
Most of the after versions follow the same shape. You don’t have to use it every time, but it’s a reliable fallback.
- The specific thing. Open with what’s in the photo or what’s happening. Not “Exciting news”. The news itself.
- One detail. Something only you would know: why you did it that way, what was tricky, what the customer asked for.
- The useful bit. A price, the hours, a tip, the town, how long it took.
- What to do next, if there is something. “Kitchen’s open till 2.” “Book through the link in bio.” Often this is optional.
The first line matters most, because on Instagram the caption is cut off after a line or two and people have to tap to see the rest. If the first line is “We are thrilled to announce”, they won’t tap.
Habits that make captions sound robotic
Adjectives doing the selling. Stunning, amazing, exceptional, premium, quality. Every business uses them, so they say nothing. Replace each one with a fact.
Talking about “our valued clients”. Real people say “customers”, or describe the person: “the owner”, “a family in Lennox”.
Exclamation marks everywhere. One is fine. Three in a caption reads like shouting.
Starting with “We”. “We are proud”, “We are excited”, “We have”. Start with the customer, the job or the thing instead.
Generic calls to action on everything. “Contact us today!” on a photo of your team’s Friday lunch is odd. Not every post needs to sell.
Emoji as decoration. A relevant emoji can help. A row of sparkles and fire doesn’t add meaning.
AI-written captions left as-is. Tools like ChatGPT can help with a first draft, but they lean heavily on the exact phrases above. If you use one, rewrite the result so it includes something only you would know.
A block of 30 hashtags. Instagram now limits posts to five, and keywords in a normal sentence do more for search. Our article on whether hashtags still matter explains what to do instead.
The read-aloud test
Before you post, read the caption out loud. If you wouldn’t say it to a customer standing in front of you, change it. This one test catches most of the problems above.
It’s the same principle behind good plain-language writing in general. The Australian Government’s Style Manual is aimed at government writers, but its advice on short sentences and plain words works just as well for a café’s Instagram.
Captions for Reels
Reels have two kinds of text: the caption below the video and the text on screen. Keep the on-screen text very short (a hook and subtitles) and put the detail in the caption. Our guide to filming Reels on your phone covers the on-screen part.
Try this today
Open your last five posts. For each one, find the first adjective and swap it for a fact: a number, a place, a name, a detail. Then cut the first sentence if it’s an announcement rather than the news. You’ll likely end up with a shorter caption that says more.
If your captions sound unlike your business because nobody’s ever pinned down what your business sounds like, that’s a brand voice job, and we can help. Or our social media management service can write captions that sound like you on a good day.